hit me with your best shot .

Sunday, February 25, 2007,3:59 pm

all my life

there was just me and my dreams.

and the days went ticking by.

like the beat of my heart.

spent my nights.

wondering how it would feeel .

when the waiting wouldd endd . and tomorrow wouldd start ,

suddenly i see a light .

out of the darkness .. im coming alive.

so this is how it feels . reachingg for heaven .

is this how it feels ? kissing the sky.

this is what it means. rising from the flames .

like a phoenix rising from the flames.

im reaching for heaven (:

all this time .

i neverr knew i was so strong .

but youu made me findd the fire.

that was there all alongg .

in yourr eyes. i cann see all i can be .

suddenly i want i tall .

i know youu'll catchh me wheneverr i fall .

so this is how it feels . reachingg for heaven .
is this how it feels ? kissing the sky.
this is what it means. rising from the flames .
like a phoenix rising from the flames.
im reaching for heaven (:

haas . not going to type the ending of this song .

this is as far as i go .

hm . as predicted . i woke up with an aching body =x

nothing much today .

sleeep . eat . read . tv-ed . thought . msn-ed. blogged (:

not really in the mood for details today . byeee .

ps : honestly . i dont know what provoked the quarrel either .

the spark of emotion and a mix of frustration .

is it really finally over ?

i've been trying to tell youu this for like . forever.

i dont know . and you're not meant to see this ^^

Wednesday, February 21, 2007,11:47 pm

WEDNESDAY . 21FEB07

bad morning .

jokingly asked mum if i could get a claim back for getting the 500 fullscaps.

then. she said that i took it le .

when i seriously SERIOUSLY didnt .

yesh . when she first gave it to me .

while we surrendered ourr ang bao money .

i DID hold it .

then i put it underr her wallet .

orr something . cant rememberr what .

maybe the tv controller ?

then THEN.

after she gave me allowance and stuuff .

i saw that the money not there le .

so i figured that she took it back .

i have neverr been so suure of NOT taking something beforeee .

but how can i prove it o her ?

she just went

"its not the first time you've been honest"

i mean . obviously .

i was hurt larrhhs . i admit.

this onee . i say without a second's doubt .

she's easily pek cek de larhs .

stubborn .

small . little simple things .

and she gets fussed up le .

so . obviously she started to give those sarcastic attitude .

then say . ohkay lorhs . since youu want be like that .

then give me the money .

like . WTH .

i gave the money back to her .

ohkay . im sorry to say this .

but then .

WHAT THE FECK .

i ratherr live and starve without money than have her accuse me like that larhs .

yesh . i get my share of being easily provokes from HER genes .

and its impossible .

just IMPOSSIBLE . to get a sorry from her .

and if she does .

she either laughs with it like its the world's biggest joke to her .

orr .

says it forcefully .

FECK . i rather she not say larrhhs .

err . anwyays .

in class this morning .

could sense julia wanted to say something .

but . she like . half say half dont want to say . lol .

so i kept quiet first .

hmm . then she suddenly spilled out .

that she didnt want to go with us after school anymore le .

to go home and concentrate on studying .

well .. she even thought that i was faking a sad face .

im not suure if that was meant to be a joke .

but .. i dont want to drift away from her .

she is one of the greatest friends i ever have .

well .. if this is what she feels is best .

i'll just support her ba (:

normal day ba .

i can feel my studies dropping le ):

afterr school . cca .

wanted to eat my normal stuuff .

but i remembered SOMEONE said i always eat same thing .

so i change lorhs ! lala :D

then . thought i was going to be late for track .

but . coach was late . again =x

hahah .

today's ruiqi's last day ):

i really neverr thought this day would actuually come .

she had first spoke about her migration plans last year .

i never thought it would actually be true !!

i cant imagine track and field without ruiqi . reaally .

she's been the one to cheer me up each training .

and make me feel motivated to run . HAHA .

normal training . ran only 6 rounds for warmup though .

i dont know why .

its like .

im not used to afternoon training anymore =\

haha . orr maybe because always eat just mere minutes before =x

during our stretching .

coach was really angry at us . without shoban .

nobody really took the initiative to lead .

thenn . when we did . we did everything wrong .

WRONG order .

WRONG step .

and just plainly .

doing it WRONGLY .

and too slow .

he did boom at us a little .

he told us a story too . about ghost rider .

and quoted a line .

concluding that we have soul . but no spirit .

well .. i DO agree we arent taking track seriously enough .

and we arent committed enough .

but . what can we do ?

we dont exactly have confidence .

or self esteem for that matter .

when it comes to our standard .

anyways .

then narain made do staircase runs .

longerr than usual .

TIRING .

though we didnt exactly run the whole way .

by the end of 10 mins .

already sweating like SIAO le =x

hm . then narain did his normal scoldings .

he scolded andy reaal bad lorhs ):

he scolded the sec1s too .

forr not taking the training seriously .

always stopping .

not turning up . haiis ):

but . he did make a point .. i guess . when he said .

all he does if kick us FORWARD . never backward .

and he even did a demo by kicking a sec one -.-''

hm . then after that . we all went to the void deck .

to take manyMANY pics with ruiqi ! :D
haiis . i really cant imagine herr going ..

i hope life will open many new doors for her there .

i wish i could have a chance to study in high schools in countries like ..

JAPAN ? KOREA ? AMERICA ?

heh heh heh =x

but . getting oldd lehs .

the curtains are dropping soon l e. hahaha .

well . then stayed and studied with azureen .

waiting for HIMHE .

seeing kh and his present for his *beep.

though its really touching .

but .. at the pit of my heart .

i knew it wasnt the right time .

maybe im just being the extra one ..

but .. i dont know .

can call it women's intuition ?

well . all we can do is pray and wait ba (:

then . just say and talked all the way .

wanted to wait forr jiamin they all .

but afiqah was determined to get out of school .

we ended up going to bp .

ate kfc for a change .

FILLING LEHS .

clarence and his friends were there too .

one called wenjie .

like .. me and HIMHE de baby rights ? hahahaha =x

err . anyways . then out of nowhere . zz and jerome popped up.

and sat down with us .

and had theirr mini world war3 while we were eating -.-"

then .. the normal suuanning each other .

made us laugh loads though . haas .

mostly about theirr swimming stuuff ba .

poor HIMHE was suck in between them . LITERALLY ! =x

hm . walked about abit to help kh look for something .

then we went home le .

and . ohmygosh ohmygosh .

bumped into raymond !

raymond goh yue xuen !?

hahahaha .

was really happy to see him . reaally .

but . i think i was talking too much that he went off the bus =x

but . it was really a relieve to see his face again .

and to talk to chris didi on the phone .

its like .

the second day in a row .

its like something's doing this on purpose .

i really miss the old times ):

when i thought of the times with ray . chris . chunhow . xiaohao and the rest .

esp cherie xu shihui . chiayin . claudia ):

i really cant help but to .. as jiamin says .

let my floodgates open .

become vulnerable.

esp yesterday . i dont know why .

life back then .

it was like everything fell into place .

study by day . bball after school . and hang out at night .

i dont know .

but when i walk around bukit batok .

every bit makes me think back .

and i feel like a fool for not having let go .

but . i just cant seem to .

i mean . obviously can meet up with them and all .

but .. the life we shared .

being a student with them .

that was different .

aiya . maybe im just sprouting rubbish .

but.

sometimes i wondered .

every experience is a stepping stone .

an experience .

and transferring . definitely is an experience .

but .. what if i didnt ?

i wondered what things would be like ):

i feel like the yiwen i am now cann never go back to who i was .

though chris and ray said i havent changed a bit .

have i ?

i really cant seem to let go ):

there are obviously times when i wish i could just turn everything back .

but i know its not possible .

and im sure God put me where i am for a reason .

well .. thats how im trying to reassure myself .

felt really bad for HIMHE.

it was like . i was locking him away from this side of me .

but . i just thought i wouldnt be able to let him understand.

strangely enough .

he said he had a yu gan of this when we were at westmall .

cos i saw jerrold kor they all.

i dont know .

but . im grateful for everything .

and i hope to be able to cherish what i DO have now .

fully .

well . enough of emo-ing too .

i left my emaths worksheet at cheries' !!

hmm . have to try my utmost best .. subconsciously.

to plod myself out of bed to meet her early morning to get it .

hope i can ^^

i wonderr if ms wong would scold if i didnt =x

i just realised this is a super long post .

well . a human's mind is a complex thing .

thoughts running from one end of the earth to another is just a mere day's 24 hours :D

Monday, February 19, 2007,10:01 pm

2nd day of cny

eesh .

im really starting to despise this new blogger.

lols .

the publishing and stuuff seems to take forever =x

hm . SECOND DAY OF CHINESE NEW YEAR .

quite a good day initially .

andANDand .

i didnt get to eat the dumplings again ! lol .

no fate lehs . me and dumplings =x

hmm . went to ahma's house around lunch .

qiang was being super lazy larhs .

i meaan . he was the one who come back late .

then . must spoil ourr moods at the beginning of the day .

frmph . forget it .

anyways . STEAMBOAT :D

haas . eat alot lehs ! mygosh .

must go andd burn it off . muahaha =x

then . again we played with the HUGE humongo cardds .

haas . i team up with shuyi ! =D

we keeep getting the deee . so shunag =x lols .

aiya . i seriously have no moood to blog about all the GOOD stuuff that happened today .

basically . all ourr days were flushed by qiang's lazy attitude again larhs .

feck .

he suddenly went to sleeep .

he slept on the sofa first .

then mum aask him to get up let ahma they all sit .

he dont want .

like . pleasee lorhs . act like he sleeeping .

had to keeep pestering then he finally move.

THEN

knowing that he agreed to go to the gym with adeline in a short while .

then . adeline patiently waited for him lorhs .

we all waited .

then . at 2 she went to ask .

he say 2:15 .

at 2:15 she ask . he say 2:30 .

then at 2:30 she ask . he so freaking didnt wake up .

even kenneth went in to ask .

then in the endd .. they didnt go .

but . nobody said anything . we just continued playing .

then .

ahyi were bringing us to watch the movie .

the movie which he HIMSELF agreeed to go in the morning .

even double confirm so she could book the tickets early .

then . at around 4 .

she ask me to go wake him up .

like pleaseee . i ask him wake up .

he scold me .

anyhow scold scold scold .

like . WTH ?

then .. neverr mindd .

kenneth . ahyi . dad . mum . adeline .

we all take turns go try and wake him up .

couldd see they all being so patient .

but . all he did is complain complain .

i meann . make a commitment is make a commitment .

andd .. still give those disrespectful attitude when they were being so nice to him .

then . when we walked out .

he lock the doorr .

WAH . suddenly got energy to lock the doorr horhs .

we tried knocking and knocking and knocking .

he dont want to answerr .

we waited and waited .

he still didnt want to open .

it was beingg unfairr to ahyi they all .

so .. we decided to leave without him .

then later kenneth had some last minute appointment too .

so .. just the 8 of us .

to not waste away the ticket .

ahyi desperately tried to sell them at the cinema .

and thank God .

she did ! =D to a cute old couple .

hm . we watched follow the law

haha . super ROFL show (:

though the ending was a little .. odd .

but . nice nice (:

then i rememberred that shuni watched it yesterday . hahaha .

now i know why she was laughing .

hm . after the show .

tried one moree time to call qiang .

he was STILL sleeeping .

then .

we decided .

we cant give in to him this time .

i meann . he keeps taking advantage of it larhs .

he should have to suffer for his ignorant actions .

i reaally dont know .

must pray moree for him .

i reaaally seriously dont know le .

well . came back .

then mum also started pms-ing a little .

but . no biggie .

super duper bored now =x

Sunday, February 18, 2007,11:31 pm

first day of CNY =D

trying to type at different angles . lalala ~

well . spent the whole day at ahma's house .

we watched dreamgirls (:

nice nice .

the songs are super nice .

but .. didnt really get the storyline ^^

mygosh ! i kept on eating and eating and eating .

funny tooo .

early in the morning . when we BAI to mum and dad .

the FIRST thing they wished me .

"dont have boyfriend"

hahaha . also in ahma's house . they kept asking .

have anot ? have anot ?

well .. what was i SUPPOSED to say ? lols .

we were so engrossed in the movie .

that junjie came over TONS of times .

telling us to go bai le .

then we kept saying .

wait WAIT wait ! hahaha .

caiwen larhs . kuku .

she treat them like COUNTERS .

hahaha . asking us to queue up to bai .

she shouted "counter 5 open . counter 5 open . hurry go and queue up"

LOLL . we all kept rofl-ing !

haas . then dad brought an ultra SUPER DUPER big set of poker cards .

andd .. yesh . SERIOUSLY BIG .

hmm .. i findd a chance to take a pic and upload to show you its size ! haha .

so . caiwen they all were teaching us how to gamble .

the so called way of life

lol . remembered learning from joan le .

but .. still kept quiet . hahaha .

then .. we got SUPER duper bored .

the adults were sitting there talking about .. politics . economy . and which age to get married ?!

andd why we shouldnt buy hdb and cars in the futuree ..

hmm . thats all i heard anyways =x

so . we played aroundd MORE cards .

scarrry . even heardd yesheng kinda scolding michael .

SHOCKED lehs . first time .

was kinda a threat . but .. he was reaally talking CRAP =x

hm . then . we got SO SUPER BORED .

nothing else betterr to do .

we EAT ! haha . eat again .

diaoooooo ~

then finally . decided to turn on the tv .

and WOOTS . harry potter was on . hahaha .

we kept adding sound effects of ourr own to make it more interesting =x

we were seriously bored lurhs =x

hm . nothing much reaally .

talked and eat and talked and eat .

feeel kinda wierd getting angbao this yearr .

to be honest.

i dont feel i deserve it . andd .. was kinda reluctant to keep it .

hmm . maybe im just being paranoid .

but .. i think they money would be better in theirr hands ratherr than mine =x

haas . nothing much to blog about today .

hmmm . tomorrow will be more fun !

goingg overr to mum's side .

weeeeeeeeee ~

SOME HIMHE kuku has a sore throat ):

seeeeeeee larhs .

eat more chocolate larhs .

eatEATeat .

hahaha =x

sadd ): wanted to call de . but .. neverr mindd .

haha . no FATE :D

Saturday, February 17, 2007,11:50 pm

CHINESE NEW YEAR EVE

EESH .

reaally ages sinces i last blogged .

i dont know why .

but since i stopped blogging .

i unconsciously open up less .

hm . firstly .

happy chinese new year EVE ! :D

andd .. hm .

happy chinese new year :D

just a few more hours .

just came back from ahma's house .

funny .

i neverr really thought what reunion dinner actually meant till this year .

haas .

well . dad says its the reunion of the sons .

hmm . then dont the daughters have reunions ? lols .

nothing much actually .

aint that cosy with dad's side =x

we watched xmen3 . a little of pan's labyrinth [disturbing show] and tu ran fa cai (:

watched pan's labyrinth last night too .

fell asleep during dream gurlls =x

it is SERIOUSLY a fairytale for adults .

all the gore . the disturbing looking faun .

and a not so storybook ending .

my hair still shivers thinking about the show =x

it came to mind "jiamin would like this show"

yeaaa .. so youu can roughly know where it stands .

and NO . not the disturbing comic kind . haas .

watched the show . the perfect man this morning too .

HEH . HEHIM thought i referring to him .

dream on :D

err . anyways .

haas . about a modern teenage gypsy .

ohkay . not exactly .

because after every heartbreak . her mum forces them to move .

so .. the whole issue about fearr of getting close to the anyone .

cos they wouldnt want the hurt of leaving .

so . the daughter creates an imaginary perfect man for her mum .

who she DOES end up falling in love with .

ohkay ohkay . i dont nag so much about the show =x

typical teen show i guess . haas .

say until where le .

OH YA . reunion dinner .

well . junjie was asking many thought provoking questions .

i dont know why .

i neverr dared to open up to him .

orr even sit near him =\

long story . haas .

ahma's back is better . i guess (:

she was well and hyped enough to cook today :D

weets . thank God .

kinda pms-ed out on the way home .

ohkay . i admit .

i DO get frustrated easily .

i DO get agitated easily .

and im not exactly the world's most patient person when it comes to most things.

but seriously . its not the first time .

why do people bother asking me . when they're just going to find whatever reason to contradict whatever i say ?

orr even listen for the matter .

especially mum .

i was sitting right beside herr .

and when i asked .

even dad and qiang heard it .

and she goes .

WHAT ? HUH ? the WHAT ?

then when i get frustrated and say nvm .

she will keep FUSSING AND PUSHING .

SAY LARHS . WHAT WHAT WHAT ?

i mean . it DOES get annoying larhs =x

not the first time today -.-"

betterr go dig herr ears out .

and just now .

when qiang asked me .

is this shirt nice ?

then i said . yeapps . nicee .

then he starts asking .

where got nice ?

which part nice ?

eeeew . why you say nice ?

nice mehs ?

you see this part . how come still say nice ?

i mean.

already adding to the mum frustration .

if you're just going to contradict what i say .

and dont believe .

WHY BOTHER ASKING ME ?

darn . im becoming cranky =x

and the i had to restart the com about 4 times .

cos the stuff wasnt working .

eeesh .

but funny thing is .

when i was so agitated .

and i was about to burst it all out to HEHIM.

but then . the moment HIMHE talked to me .

i suddenly felt relaxed and couldnt help but smile .

haas . thanks alot :D

i've been thinking quite a bit about what happened on friday .

but . im at wits' end too .

i know what has to be done . but the problem is .. how ?

where's my scream hotline !! haas .

hmm . also to jarryl .

yesh . things DO happen for a reason .

but pleasee . youu think what happened was because youu were suay ?

you were the one who made it this way .

yourr past .

yourr actions .

think about it . can you blame her decision if you were in her shoes ?

but if you're really sincere this time .

stop the lies . stop the hopping .

prove it .

and at least . if she still keeps to her choice .

it will be for the REAL you .

seriously . beneath lies jarryl who is a great guy . im sure (:

what the heck . he's not going to read this anyways .

im just putting it here to get it out of my system .

i WILL burst at him later =x

also . fiqah got herr hp back .

WOOTS :DD

hm . what happened last night .

love is tiring . of course it is .

but . think about it .

nothing which is worth it comes easy .

what happens when you're tired ?

things just slowly grow harder and more messy .

if youu still love him .

nobody's forcing you to give up .

and even if they did . you wont .

he's in a mess of confusion of his own .

im sure with time . he WILL change too .

youu can eitherr choose to wait for that . orr let it go gradually .

obviously it wont happen overnight.

but . eitherr way . dont let it pull yourr self esteem down .

things like this happen .

it would be wierd if they DIDNT .

precisely.

everything DOES happen for a reason .

but please . thats not the excuse to NOT do anything at all .

its OUR actions and unconscious decisions that make things turn out the way they do .

everything thats worth keeping comes needs effort, understanding, trust and risks.

especially friendship.

it takes two hands to clap .

if you dont give it to others in the first place

how can you expect others to give it to you ?

ohkay . give was the wrong word . but then . the concept is there ^^"

Lord .

i see whats happening around me .

they're becoming oh-so evident.

the things happening to my friends and family .

the ones i care about .

how can i be xin fu when they're like this ?

lord . i pray you would help me to help them .

i want to be there for them .

i just need your hand so that i can do the right thing .

if not . i dont deserve what i have now .

please lord . things need to take a turn to the right direction .

take this as my chinese new year resolution.

i really cherish them . i dont want to lose them .

i just pray they could see that.

amen.

Thursday, February 08, 2007,3:55 pm

OHMYGOODNESS !

so long didnt blogg le !!

haas .

havent been able to use the com much these few days ):

well .

neale's at ourr house now .

giving qiang bible study .

THANK GOD !

but they're kinda watching tv . haas .

yes . thanks to God for bringing qiang back on track ! woots !

haas .

hmmm . woke up kinda late today .

almost 6:45 . lalalala ~

same oldd same oldd ba . haas .

just that . on the radio .

i heardd that in a certain country .

forgot whichh one .

its a legal law that pigs are to be given sweeets ! haas .

ourr table is getting crowded . lol .

well . sheela gave me food !! weee :DD thanks thanks .

hmm . havent eaten that hotdog thing for quite a while le .

memories of us sneaking it up to class to munch :D wahah .

then . when we walked up to the classroom .

azureeen suddenly told us that we had to go forr the sports rap meeting .

so HEE and i ranRANran .

but . luckily we didnt miss out the important stuuff .

hm . quite an ohkay day i guess .

again . fourr periods of SWIPED .

but . it was fun . wahaha :D

i want to finishh reading marcus' boook !! but then i dont think i can finish it fast .

im a darrrn slow reader =x

and somemore now no time )):

lol .

decided not to do ss .

andd WOOPEE . she didnt collect :DD

she returned ourr test .

and MIRACLE ! i passedd . haas .

must buck up on ss ba .

maybe if got time . must do more essays .

jiayou jiayou !!

the highlight was lit ba .

when we got back ourr essays .

she wrote that i am finally catching up .

something like that .

kk . sorry . have to rush through this post le .

haas . dadd wants to usee .

well . i guess i'll know when we get back the other one .

lalala

gtg . BYEE :DD

Thursday, February 01, 2007,1:47 pm

good day today :D

relatively . haas .

woke up realising i fell asleep while doingg chinese .

lalala ~ so finished up the compre in the carr =x

haas .

early morning .

sheeela brightened up my day .

ahaha .

i brought some clothes over for shalini .

so sheeela took out the skirts .

then she was like .

"why got belt de ?"

then she wear wearr .

she thought the belt thingy was supposed to be behind .

and the plan one infront .

LOLL .

hmm . must be there to see ba .

hahahaha . we were all laughing like siaoo .

then julia came and merely said .

"look like those roman empire wear de"

orr something like that .

hahahahah . we laughed likee siaoo .

jiaminn didnt seem to share ourr laughter of clothes . HEHE .

fourr periods of swipe today .

the 2 houurs seemed to last foreverr .

but we got to play a game ? haas .

ohkiies . kinda sianish day studying . haas .

ohOH . it was ms ibaidah's birthday :DD

we sang herr birthday song . again and again and again and again and again !

haas .

she thought we were trying to waste the lesson .

dragging time .

hmm . were we ?

mini was most enthu ! haha .

hm . during lit .

auudrey ! hahaha .

we had to do the summary .

she triedd to be as secretive as possible .

trying to summarise the summary on the website .

she has ways ! hahah .

in the endd . we only got 12 for the quiz .

lols . oh wells .

afterr school.

schoolwide cip ! hahah .

making ribbons

weeeeeeeee ~ ('.' ")

let jiamin destress on meh meh .

cos aqilah didnt come today ):

ohOH . also with goda . haha .

they kept throwing here and there .

at least help them cuure filzatitis ba . lol

azureen and i did cutting !

whilee the rest did the punching holes .

and jiamin helping audii . haha .

she cuut my hairr ! lol .

we toook tuurns to cut the ribbon .

determined to beat kunlin !

who was carefully cutting and measuring one by one .

hahaha .

eeeling andd sheela . they cut 15cm ! lol .

fiqah . julia . lini . junjie and kaihsiang .

the punchholders !

lol . punch like factory ! laughing all the way .

hahahaha .

kaihsiang was HYPER .

pms over ? lalala ~

hmm . then swiped ask me to finish up the board .

so . took the chance to do it while marcus not there to say its too big .

so . when i finish . he cant say anything !

heh heh heh .

anyways . the badminton and soccer team won ! :DD

then . shunii asked me to wait forr herr .

but in the endd she didnt have cca induction thing .

so . we went to teck whye (:

juliaa bought herr new contacts ! haas .

andd .. err .

we didnt really manage to buy ourr pens =x

we then went to mac to do work (:

marcus saidd he was nearby .

so asked them to come findd us . haas .

really hope jouharr will be alright .

let nature take its course .

i still think . he shouldnt give up .

if you just cant seem to get rid of feelings .

maybe they're supposed to be there (:

no matter what the odds are .

hmm . thats just an opinion ba .

really worried for him .

i was also kinda thinking .

i wanted to tell them straight in mac .

but then ..

haas . so yeaahh .

julia could sense .

banana senses ! lols .

fiqah and i share the same sentiments .

but .. i think it wont be today ^^

thanks jiamin for helping to lighten the mood ^^

with herr puppy powerr ! hahah .

if only time could pause .

and things would stay like this .

never ending friendship ):

i dont want to lose that .

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